A Torrid Affair by Jill

This is the story of my love/hate relationship with The Potato Masher.


It began several weeks ago in a virtual world called iTunes. I stared across the page and locked eyes with it. I heard the angels singing and the light from heaven shined down and illuminated the Couch to 5K app for my iPhone. Alas, it was $4.99 and I am more of a free app kind of girl. Several days go by and I cannot get it out of my head. I need it. I have to have it. It gets the best of me and I download it. And I hear it for the first time. Ahhhh!


App: "Welcome to Couch to 5K. Begin warm-up now."

Me: "Well hello lovely. Your steady voice welcomes me and calms me. I no longer need to do long math problems of addition and division to figure out where I am in the program. This is going to be amazing. This is the beginning of something beautiful."

App: "Run now"

Me: "Oh I love this. I can just listen to you and you will guide me and I feel safe holding onto you. I am running and I'm not doing math. This is great.
(time lapse)
Man, how much longer do I have to go? When are you going to call out me? When will you remember I am waiting for you? Say it! Say it! Say it right now!!
(time lapse)
How you hurt me. You care nothing about me. Everything is on your timetable, your schedule. What about me? What about my needs? Don't you care I'm hurting? No you don't. All you care about is what you want. You selfish little jerk... I oughta throw you in that lake right there.

App: "Walk now"

Me: "Oh thank you thank you thank you! You do care about me. You do care about how I'm feeling. I was so wrong about you. This situation is so much better than me being on my own. I need you. I can't do this without you."
(time lapse)
Now because of you I can notice the birds singing and appreciate the beauty of nature all around me. You have eliminated my stress about the schedule. Thank you for loving me enough to plan for me.

App: "Run now"

Me: "Are you freaking kidding me?! That was not 3 minutes. You promised me a full 3 minutes and you lied. How can I trust you? Did it ever occur to you that I don't feel like running? That maybe, just maybe, I wanted to keep walking? No it didn't. Because you never ask me what I want. You just tell me what to do all the time, with no regard for my wants, or my needs. Man, I can't believe I fell for you. Please, I want out of this. I can't take it anymore. You are too difficult to deal with. Look at me! I'm crying! You did this! You did this to me and you don't care at all. I HATE YOU! I never wanna hear your voice again."

App: "Cooldown"

Me: "Oh my goodness! I was so wrong. Please forgive me. I should have never have doubted you. You're right, I feel so much better now. You do just want what is best for me. You do want me to succeed. I know that's why you push me so hard. I was so wrong. I do wanna hear your voice. You make me feel like I am on top of the world."

App: "Workout Complete" (check mark appears in box)

Me: "Thank you for making me a better woman. You complete me."